The lovers, the dreamers and me

So I'm sitting here, at 1:20 in the morning on a Sunday night (okay, to be fair, it's monday morning), eating a perfectly prepared piece of peanut butter toast (and honestly, how often do I ever make anything that's perfectly prepared?) and thinking about life. As usual. I sort of wish that I had more time to get into this, but I really don't - as soon as the piece of toast is done, I've got to get to work on my art/imitation assignment that's due tomorrow. But after 2 four-hour conversations on consecutive nights with S, I feel like my life is changing and it's all that I can do to keep up. Do I like it? More than I could ever express in words. But at the same time - am I going to be okay? I need to find a balance between being so independant that I won't let anyone love me, and holing up in my bed for 4 hours to talk on the phone with someone who I currently think is so incredible, that I have a hard time believing they're real. I can't really talk about this with anyone, because I think that it would sound redundant and cliche, but I really am not in a place right now where I could handle having my heart broken. I've been through that - it's brutal. I remember calling Kerry-Anne in the middle of the night a few days after Zach broke up with me, and barely being able to get the words out of my mouth that I needed her to come over. And she put some shoes and a coat on, and drove over to my house late at night, and held my head and stroked my hair while I heaved from crying so hard. I thought that my entire being was broken. Was I in love with Zach? At the time, I was. Was it real love? Hard to tell. The point however, is that I'm 6 years older than I was when Zach and I started going out, and things are only going to get harder.

So here's my question of the day, and it doesn't have a clear answer. Should I stop this relationship where it is, knowing that we're going to either marry or destroy eachother, or should I leave that up to fate?

I'll write more later. For now, it's on to Picasso and company.