Even Better Than the Real Thing

I had a really amazing day. It feels good just to say that, to make it tangible. Sometimes, everything goes right in the world, and for no explicable or even well-deserved reason, I am bestowed with complete happiness. I just finished packing, changed into my sweatshirt and gym shorts, and feel such a sense of contentment just to be. I don't know if that makes sense. I vaguely recall Michelle, standing in the vogt studio, and teaching us - nervous second year acting students, as we were - to let go of everything but the immediacy of the present tense. That's where I am right now - crossed-legged in front of a computer in California, content to be me.

I don't think that N understands me (or even wants to, for that matter). And that's okay. We drove downtown today. As we crossed the bridge into the city, I was laughing and sticking my hands out the window, trying to catch some of the warm, salty air. I shrieked as we drove up the hills, enjoying the feeling of being held down in my seat, wondering if the car could roll backwards the way it came. I marvelled at Saks Fifth Ave and Tiffany's, hung from the side of the cable car (as I've seen done in the movies, and yes - it is just as satisfying as it looks), and gleefully ran from store to store. Life, in general, gives me a lot to be happy about, and today, in particular, was a day that just seemed perfect to me. That's the most I can say about my day without sounding like I'm gushing. I really love this city. I love the windy roads. I love the palm trees. I love the ocean ... the sand ... the surfing ...

Why does my life keep getting better and better? I don't feel as though I deserve this. I have been given SO MANY things to be thankful for ... am I ungrateful? It's hard to deal with happiness - I think intuitively we always search for the dark clouds underneath our silver linings.

I digress. I don't have any answers to the amazing state of my life right now, except that as soon as I let myself believe that there is someone who cares about me, everything started to look rosier and rosier. Not every fight is worth fighting, I am quickly learning. Letting myself be me ... and not constantly doubting every word that is coming out of my mouth ... okay, well I'm working on that. But the truth is, the friends and love that is coming into my life right now have made me a better person than I was two weeks ago. Getting closer to Adam, Stuart, Jaxx (not to mention Steve)- I feel like I have places and people that I belong to. I feel at home. My heart is literally singing.

For those of you who claim that U2 hasn't made any songs that are worthy of inclusion on a make-out CD, I give you exhibit A: possibly the sexiest song known to man, and sung by Bono to a woman right before he's about to make love to her. Twist my arm.

"Even Better Than The Real Thing"
Give me one more chance
And you'll be satisfied
Give me two more chances
You won't be denied

Well my heart is where it's always been
My head is somewhere in between
Give me one more chance
Let me be your lover tonight(Check it out)

You're the real thing
Yeah the real thing
You're the real thing
Even better than the real thing

Child... Give me one last chance
And I'm gonna make you sing
Give me half a chance
To ride on the waves that you bring

You're honey child to a swarm of bees
Gonna blow right through you like a breeze
Give me one last dance
We'll slide down the surface of things

You're the real thing
Yeah the real thing
You're the real thing
Even better than the real thing

Child...We're free to fly the crimson sky
The sun won't melt our wings tonight
Oh now...here she comes

Take me higher
Take me higher
You take me higher
You take me higher

You're the real thing
Yeah the real thing
You're the real thing
Even better than the real thing
Even better than the real thing
Even better than the real thing

Remind me to swoon, at this point. And to pick up the latest issue of Rolling Stone with U2 on the cover.