Counting my Blessings

Do you ever wonder what you were put on this planet to do?

To me, at times, it seems that we are (as we typically tend to do) basking in our own glory, when we maintain the philosophy that each and every human being was given a special role to fulfill. What makes us so great? Part of me was educated to believe that every rock, tree and creature is simply part of some meaningless, repetitive life cycle, and that I especially am meaningless in the short amount of relative time that I am able to leave my footprints on this earth. So biology taught me that life=life. There is no soul, no depth, no meaning. But that's not good enough. My life, however small and unimportant and inconsequential to the future of this planet it may be, has to be about something. I have this innate need to infuse everything that I experience and every choice that I make with meaning. That may be my tragic flaw, I know, but it's also the only thing that I've got to go on. I really want to believe that everyone has a specific potential that they're meant to fulfill. Whether or not this is related to religion is beyond me ... I mean, no one really knows that, right? I think it has more to do with our inner capacity to emote, understand and contemplate our role in the universe. This potential that we can fulfill comes from deciding what's important to us, and then having the guts to stand up for it. Therefore, the thing that I was put on this earth to do, is to honour that which is most important to me.

Well, that was easy.

The pragmatist in me will now argue that my role in the universe is to leave the world a better place than I found it - even if my presence ultimately only affects a handful of lives. I have the ability to effect change/help people/lead by example/live by my values and morals etc etc.

But the *idealist* that's kicking around somewhere inside of me (and honestly - I'm really not an idealist) really wants to believe that everyone on earth has their other half somewhere, and we're all meant to find each other. "All you need is love", right? So everyone's role in the universe is to be someone else's other half. Our job is to love. I guess I've just been thinking alot in the past few days about how lucky I am to have found so many people that care about me. I love my sisters so deeply that it aches. I found (and managed to hang on to) a best friend who is so unlike me on the outside, and so similar on the inside. I have more people at Queen's that I genuinely love and who genuinely love me than I ever deserved.

I've been counting my blessings.

And Steve? He's the biggest blessing of them all, at this point. How I ever could have ever pleased fate to the point where I deserved and was given such an amazing person in my life is beyond me. And if the 49ers have to suffer the worst season in NFL history, hell - if it meant that Arsenal would be brutally beaten in every game they played in the next year ... I'll take it.

I'm feeling sappy tonight, aren't I?

I'm almost making myself go back and erase everything, but against my better judgment, I'm throwing it up. Maybe I need a reality check :) I'll write a blog about something completely mundane tomorrow, I promise.

B.