That is Some Pig
Are you in your mid twenties? Have no idea who you really are? Then head over to the "Draw a Pig And Find Out Your Personality" website and follow the instructions.
Here is a picture of my pig:
Good Luck finding yourself! :D
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
The Graduate
Well, here they are ... my grad photos.
Let it be known that I REALLY wanted to take one with my hair behind my ears, which is how I normally wear it. Also, I wanted to take one with a mini-smile (no teeth) since I look a bit gimpish with the tooth smile.
So anyway, they sort of all look the same. I'm not crazy about them AT ALL, but at least they didn't make me wear the hat, y'know?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Darkness
I'm taking a mental health day today, if only for the fact that I'm able to. I'm feeling fine, actually. I'm just a bit bored with my routine. I thought I would stay home and do nothing instead of go to my afternoon class and be productive. So far, it's been a good choice. I have done, literally, nothing. When I try to think of something I should be doing, nothing comes to me. I'm sitting at my desk feeling pleasantly empty.
It's cold outside today. I can only tell because my window is open a crack to compensate for the fact that my wall heater is stuck on "high" and I am constantly stripping off layers in order to be comfortable. I think I've finally achieved the balance between sweltering heat from the heater and freezing wind blowing in from the window. My room is crisp now, but not uncomfortable. Much better for sleeping.
I have an intersting story. Last night I saw the one man play "Monster" by Daniel MacIvor, performed by MacIvor himself (who was incredible, but I'm going to refrain from writing a review here). The show started out, as most do, by the lowering of the lights to blackout. Instead of the lights going up on stage,however, the audience sat in complete blackness. 10 second passed. 30 seconds. a minute. Somebody coughed. Nothing happened on stage.
What I mean by complete blackness is COMPLETE blackness - not a single source of light from anywhere - not even slipping in under a door or from backstage. I have never, in my entire life, been in a place so void of light. My eyes were frantically searching the room, looking for something to focus on. There was nothing. I felt totally blind. Immediately, I lost my sense of place. I could hear myself breathing but could not find my hands in front of me. I began to feel large and then small, as though I was filling the space around me and then receding from it. I couldn't tell which way was which. Add to all this was the growing panic as I began to fear what was about to happen on stage. The longer we all sat in the blackness, the more anxious we all became. 2 minutes passed, then 3. I felt like I was floating away. Finally, MacIvors voice came over the speakers, "shut up, asshole". The play began.
I don't know what it meant to be so scared of the dark. I felt like I didn't exist anymore. It was surreal. My friends that I went with shared the same thoughts after the show was over. I would experience it again if I could. The Toronto Star gave "Monster" 4 out of 4 stars, claiming, "
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Thunder Bay, Today
I love the United States!
Today Steve and I, along with two of his friends from Thunder Bay (where I am currently visiting him for the weekend and shacking up at his hotel) drove to another country for pizza. I was told that Grand Marais, Minnesota (population 1500, 1.5 hours from Thunder Bay) had the world's best pizza ... so we went there for lunch and ended up having a blast.
Here's some pics from my latest adventure:
Steve and I by Lake Superior
Ice on the lake
Beth and I having a fantastic party-a-deux in the back seat
This picture was taken while we were driving 90km an hour ... think about it
A great shot. You just missed steve trying to stick out his tongue and lick my face.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Stuffed
Men - most men, anyway, don't leave home without two things: their wallet and their cell phone (never mind that my boyfriend was once quoted as having said that he had no use for a cell phone in toronto and now talks with his friends on it like a 14-year-old girl). That's all they need.
I am getting ready for school tomorrow and laying out my essentials - that is, the things that I will absolutely not leave home without unless I'm just dragging my sorry ass to the corner store for milk because mine has gone rotton. Again.
I don't leave home without the following things:
1 hair elastic, 3 barettes (in case of a bad hair day), 1 miniature brush (to fix said hair), 1 pack of gum (for kissing), 1 extra pair of contact lenses, one bottle of eye drops so that I can wear my lenses longer than reccommended by my doctor, 2 tubes of lip balm (in case I lose one), one small bottle of hand lotion, coverup (for those totally random zits) 2 tampons and a travel sized bottle of advil. Not to mention my wallet, dayplanner, cell phone, mp3 player, sunglasses, subway tokens, house keys and water bottle.
I seriously had NO idea I was so high maintenance. But it's true, I am. I'm one of those women whose purse is absolutely overflowing. And the problem is? I can't think of one thing to take off that list.
Back to packing for school tomorrow ... probably for the next 2 hours, by the looks of it!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me
Everything is great right now. Better than great, really. Sometimes when I'm lucky I'll click in to a groove for a few weeks and my life will appear to be right on track.
Sarah Mclaughlan wrote that album "Fumbling Towards Esctasty" ... and I feel like I'm careening towards togetherness right now. School is idyllic, literally. Like a little mini paradise filled with Bri-type people who are happy and outgoing and interesting and who (I think) genuinely like me. It usually takes me years -YEARS!- to fit in to a new environment (I get social stage fright) but somehow I've made the transition almost painlessly. Like, I wake up in the morning pinch myself, saying "wow, I've got friends!" I know how pathetic that sounds.
And best of all, things with Steve seem to be getting better (and better) as we go beyond the two year mark in our relationship. I've had a romantic renaissance lately (after spending 3 weeks in Western Canada - absense truly does make the heart grow fonder) and have felt like Steve and I are back in the 'newlywed' phase where everything he say makes my heart pound in my ears. Like, a few days ago, he walked into the room and I felt like I had sawdust on my tongue. It's almost surreal. I think it's been years since the thought of sitting on the couch with my head in his lap while he ignores me and watches football/talks on MSN with Adam Say was appealing, but now I feel like saying, "that sounds DIVINE". I'm an idiot. I mean .. this is the same person that I left behind in December? Not much has changed in him (except that I pinned him down and plucked his eyebrows last week) but something in me is attracted to him all over again. I love it. We should take extented vacations more often.
Okay, I'm done being moony and gooey. I'll spare you the sap and get myself to bed. Just sending good vibes out there to everyone on what is a REALLY busy week.
B.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Exceptional
I used to think that I was really exceptional - mainly, because I spent high school carefully orchestrating my social circle and academic achievement so that I would appear as exceptional as possible. Lots of people fell for it. I had boyfriends and best friends and awards. Now, I'm worried that I'm losing my flair.
Living in Toronto makes me feel ordinary. I feel that spending two years in a house the size of a bomb shelter is enough to dampen one's fantastic-ness. But it's more than that - I'm being outplayed here. In my teaching program, I've made so many friends because everyone is ... well, amazing. I'm getting my degree with Rhodes scholars and people who have done peace missions in Cambodia and people who have raised families. I sometimes wonder what I really have to offer.
So tonight I took Steve's mom to see an advance screening of "Miss Potter". And it's all about her amazing children's books and her paintings and it was such a lovely, sweet movie. I thought to myself "I could write a children's book"
And then I thought to myself ... no, I probably couldn't. And THEN I thought to myself - what am I really really talented at?
And then I thought to myself, I stopped playing the piano after grade 5, can't knit (unless someone wants a square), quit soccer (bad knees), quit track and field (too much running), don't really speak french all that well, haven't painted or drawn for years, am not a great cook or gardener, don't invent children's books about bunnies in jackets, can't fix computers or build bird houses or even whistle very loudly. I had a vague ambition of being an olympic bobsledder but couldn't find anything to bobsled down. I don't do makeovers.
And that made me feel ordinary.
It's 2:27 in the morning, by the way. I'm just stupid in a "not-tired-now-and-not-worried-about-the-consequences" kind of way. But I needed to think of something that I was really, really good at before I went to bed. Sort of like drinking warm milk for my ego. And here's what I came up with.
I am a supurb organizer.
This may not sound like much. But when your closets are colour coded and your drawers are labelled and your boxes have bins that have dividers, when your books are stored and your binder is neat and tidy ... it's a good feeling. Maybe even better than bobsledding.
So I don't feel so ordinary anymore. I realized that I'm also good at shopping, flirting and cribbage. I do a great job throwing out old stuff and am slowly learning more about photography. And most of all, I think I'm a good teacher. I may never write a children's book, but I might just be okay after all.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Would the Real Me Please Stand Up?
And now, the information you've all been patiently awaiting: according to www.howmanyofme.com, there are 170 females in the US who are named Brianna Johnson.
It makes me feel so ... insignificant.
How many are there of you?
Nothing Wrong, Just Not Feeling It
I have to go back to school tomorrow, after being off since December 12th of last year. Don't get me wrong, I like school. But I just spent 3 weeks travelling, hanging out with family, basically doing nothing ... and I like that more. Much more.
What it boils down to is commitment. School involves being in a certain place at a certain time, whether or not I really feel like it. When that certain time is before 9am, I'm usually not too enthused. I thought I had it made when I was working in the restaurant industry because I never had a shift starting before 5pm ... but it turns out that I'm not a drug addict suited for restaurant work, so here I am. Going to school in 8 hours.
I think that before things get too hairy here in Toronto (I have board applications due this month, am taking a trip to Thunder Bay, lots of things due, etc) I should post my favorite pics from the Holidays. Now you get to see how freakishly similar my siblings and I are in appearance. So, in no real order ... check out the posts below for some decent pictures of my time in Vancouver/Calgary
Mom and Regan playing Wii
My mom and brother playing nintendo Wii (boxing) in my bro's apartment in Calgary
Regan, Heather and Bri
My brother and I with my stepmom Heather ... except that she isn't exactly our stepmom anymore.
Here's the story.
My dad and mom had 2 children, regan and I. Then divorced.
My dad and Heather got married and had 2 more children, Jessica (13) and Hannah (almost 11), and now THEY'RE divorced.
Needless to say, my dad doesn't have a great track record. But he does have 4 biological children.
Anyway, this is Heather. She is wonderful and now lives in calgary with the girls and her boyfriend John.
Here's the story.
My dad and mom had 2 children, regan and I. Then divorced.
My dad and Heather got married and had 2 more children, Jessica (13) and Hannah (almost 11), and now THEY'RE divorced.
Needless to say, my dad doesn't have a great track record. But he does have 4 biological children.
Anyway, this is Heather. She is wonderful and now lives in calgary with the girls and her boyfriend John.
Me and my sisters
The haircut "after" shots, with younger sister hannah joining in (who patiently sat in the waiting room for 3 hours!)
Dad, Hannah and the wrecked car
My dad was on his way to meet all of us for dinner, and he ended up spinning on some loose gravel and careening into a pole. At least he still has his legs ... and his sense of humor!
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
2006 in a Brief Review
I haven't been in a very festive mood recently, so forgive me for a review that may sound more somber than how you might envision me. I can't even imagine how people envision me. Isn't it strange that we never really know what people think of us? We can guess, and some people hide their opinions better than others, but still. There are a lot of people out there who have no idea how highly I think of them, or how much I dislike them (let's be honest, right?) Technology is so invasive but private thoughts are still impenetrable. My best friend told me that when she met me, she didn't like me. I shouldn't have been hurt, but I was. I mean, I was so friendly! So nice! So warm! But my friendliness was what put her off. She doesn't like people who are too ... y'know, like, too much. And I guess I can be a little bit much. Anyway, we like each other now. I guess that's the good thing.
So - back to my melancholy. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but I tend to go through phases where I'm convinced that I'm some great thinker and become a temporary introvert. We're talking don't answer the phone, don't check my email, pretend the outside world doesn't exist kind of phases. I feel like a happy person, but somewhere inside of me I'm so confused by things. I try not to deal with it too much. I work on what I can, focus on the good, feel gratitude for what I have, all that stuff that makes people think that I've got my shit together.
But do you ever wake up and think to yourself, "what's the point?" Not in a suicidal way, seriously. Just, I do things all the time ... shop for things I want, try to advance my career, choose people to have relationships with. But if you asked me why I exist ... well, I don't have an answer for you.
Okay, this was supposed to be a year in review, but now I feel like I have to talk about God. And I need to warn you that I approach religion from a scientific background, which in short means, I'm not religious. I'm also not "spiritual-but-not-religious" because I wouldn't be able to tell you what spiritual means, which basically means that I haven't figured anything out yet. I can't force myself to believe in God. But at the same time, I meet people who truly believe that they're being personally cared for by a bearded man who lives in the sky and I think, "that must be so NICE ... to believe in something like that". And maybe that's why the idea of God exists, because it feels so good to have meaning. To belong to something.
I'm brooding, I know. And there are people who are probably scrolling through looking for my top 10 concerts of 2006 or something similarly entertaining. Sorry. I'm also sorry if I am offending you - feel free to stop reading at any time.
Anyway, this is totally random now and not at all planned, but here are 25 thoughts on 2006:
1. I worked some lousy jobs that almost wrecked me
2. I had the strength to quit a lousy jobs when I was being taken advantage of
3. I started and ended the year in a relationship with the same person, which is no surprise.
4. Our relationship changed a lot over the course of a year. Some things have made us a more exceptional couple, and some things seem to stay the same the more we try to change them.
5. I have decided that love is a choice, not a sweep-me-off-my-feet deal.
6. I decided this year that Steve is a wonderful man to love
7. I met friends who will change my path in life simply be being a part of it
8. I lost friends who were important to me and feel helpless about it
9. I really started to like living in Toronto. I stopped fearing the subway, started exploring and embraced the heat and humidity
10. I chose teaching and started my B.Ed, and the decision feels more wonderful every day that I spend in the classroom and with my new teacher friends
11. I spent my summer in an unlikely job that I ended up being really good at
12. I learned how to stand up for myself
13. I struggled with my self-image while working in a restaurant that employs skinny, beautiful people
14. I learned how to drive a golf cart
15. I stood in front of a class or 15 year old delinquents and made them interested in Canadian History
16. I stood in front of a class of 18 year old gifted students and choked
17. I saw Bob Dylan, The Who, Eric Clapton and Tom Petty in a span of 3 months
18. I was the first person someone told when they came out as being gay
19. I started to care about the Toronto Blue Jays
20. I have lived in the same house for more than 12 months, which hasn't happened since I was in grade 10
21. I became friends with my neighbours
22. I played on a championship sports team
23. I saw the Calgary Flames play live for the first time in years
24. I realized that Facebook IS God
25. I became the kind of person that makes me proud to be
So that's it - that's my year in review. Granted, when I look back over the last 12 months, everything feels pretty hazy. Nothing extraordinary happened and I don't have the photographic memory that steve does so I can't recount any funny or tear-jerking moments, but I do feel as though 2006 was a turning point for me. It was the year between being a Queen's student and being a grown up. A year ago, I used to wonder how I would know I wasn't a kid anymore. Now, having stood in front of a classroom of kids, I feel pretty sure that I no longer fit in. In 2006, I grew up. I ended a formative chapter in my life and threw myself into my future. Right now, I feel like I'm looking nowhere but ahead.
Hopes for 2007? I'd like to get a teaching job in September, and settle somewhere where I don't have to live like a student any more. Ideally, Steve and I could coordinate our futures so that we could end up somewhere living together, but I know that a lot of that is out of my hands. I just want to settle. I want to have a place that is home. And a paycheque with benefits.
Okay, it's 4 in the morning so I'm going to end this before I start slobbering on the keys. Happy New Year everyone, wherever you are and however you're feeling and whatever you're excited or nervous about. Take care of yourself in 2007. I'll be back tomorrow with some lighter fare.
