Darkness

I'm taking a mental health day today, if only for the fact that I'm able to. I'm feeling fine, actually. I'm just a bit bored with my routine. I thought I would stay home and do nothing instead of go to my afternoon class and be productive. So far, it's been a good choice. I have done, literally, nothing. When I try to think of something I should be doing, nothing comes to me. I'm sitting at my desk feeling pleasantly empty.

It's cold outside today. I can only tell because my window is open a crack to compensate for the fact that my wall heater is stuck on "high" and I am constantly stripping off layers in order to be comfortable. I think I've finally achieved the balance between sweltering heat from the heater and freezing wind blowing in from the window. My room is crisp now, but not uncomfortable. Much better for sleeping.

I have an intersting story. Last night I saw the one man play "Monster" by Daniel MacIvor, performed by MacIvor himself (who was incredible, but I'm going to refrain from writing a review here). The show started out, as most do, by the lowering of the lights to blackout. Instead of the lights going up on stage,however, the audience sat in complete blackness. 10 second passed. 30 seconds. a minute. Somebody coughed. Nothing happened on stage.

What I mean by complete blackness is COMPLETE blackness - not a single source of light from anywhere - not even slipping in under a door or from backstage. I have never, in my entire life, been in a place so void of light. My eyes were frantically searching the room, looking for something to focus on. There was nothing. I felt totally blind. Immediately, I lost my sense of place. I could hear myself breathing but could not find my hands in front of me. I began to feel large and then small, as though I was filling the space around me and then receding from it. I couldn't tell which way was which. Add to all this was the growing panic as I began to fear what was about to happen on stage. The longer we all sat in the blackness, the more anxious we all became. 2 minutes passed, then 3. I felt like I was floating away. Finally, MacIvors voice came over the speakers, "shut up, asshole". The play began.

I don't know what it meant to be so scared of the dark. I felt like I didn't exist anymore. It was surreal. My friends that I went with shared the same thoughts after the show was over. I would experience it again if I could. The Toronto Star gave "Monster" 4 out of 4 stars, claiming, "Welcome to Daniel MacIvor's nightmare". I would agree - and somewhere in the darkness, we find our own nightmares too, I think.

That's enough brooding for today, don't you think?