Little by Little

I'm listening to Oasis right now ...however for lack of a speaker system on my dad's computer, I'm listening to them by memory. That may or may not be geeky. It probably is, right? But maybe it's geeky in a Pinkerton kind of way ... not in a Star Trek way, if you get what I'm saying. Regardless, however, it's specific. I don't just have the famous chords of Wonderwall floating through my head, over and over... nope. I've got a song running. You interested? Sing along with me:

We the people fight for our existence
We don’t claim to be perfect but we’re free
We dream our dreams alone with no resistance
Faded like the stars we wish to be

It's Little by Little, granted not their biggest success, but one line jumps out at my as it cycles through. Check this out for relevance, 'cause it's pretty much screaming to me right now:

True perfection has to be imperfect
I know that that sounds foolish but it’s true
The day has come
and girl you’ll have to accept it ...

Okay, it keeps going. But the point is - it's interesting. It's like Liam and Noel (bless their angsty little hearts) teamed up to kick some sense into me. I've got to stop resisting the fact that I can't make everything perfect. It's been my ultimate experiment, and it's failed.

I need to stop for a second here. This discussion is quickly moving in to territory that concerns my dad, and I don't know if I'm strong enough to go there tonight, even if I know it's inevitable that it all comes out eventually. I'm not that girl. I'm not like that. I don't complain. Please don't let me be like that.

What the song initially reminded me of, of course, was Steve. The only thing that I know about myself is that I am imperfect. And, on it's own, that's okay. To accept that this imperfection could actually make me the perfect person for someone? ... now that's interesting. And valid. And scary. Would things stop being scary for me, do you think, if I didn't think about them so much?

I have to stop talking about myself in this blog. I find myself to be a boring topic.

I saw Lemony Snicket today ... was struck by the last lines of the movie: "At times the world may seem like an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad... and what may seem like a series of unfortunate events might, in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

I'd like to think that my journey is just beginning.

Well kids, I've rambled enough. Somehow, I never feel as though I get this blog thing quite right. Maybe I've spent too much time comparing myself to Steve, or Steph, or Jamie (shout outs!) and not enough time being NORMAL and not caring about stuff like that for once. Note to self - stop thinking.

I feel better already.