Like I've never seen the sky before

It's odd to be feeling things that I haven't experienced before. This entirely new sensation of pleasurable emotional angst is either too overwhelming for me, or too much fun to let go of, and I can't decide which. My life has been pretty much in limbo since November 7th (in or around there), and this weekend will either be a make it or break it type of confirmation for me. Either this perpetual head rush that I have for someone will turn out to be reciprocated and valid, or I find out that it just doesn't hold up in the 'real world'. I understand that this makes sense only to me, and in a way, I'm intentionally trying to be cryptic, because it's more fun for me to indulge in this one on my own - I don't think that any amount of blogging is going to bring me back from cloud nine at this moment.

As soon as people start telling eachother how they feel, everything changes. Did I cross the line? Is it more fun to stay on the other side of confession, toying with the idea that there may be some genuine feelings for eachother, but keeping it so playful that you can never really tell if you're being hit with an incredible compliment or a major diss? I don't know. I hope the playfullness doesn't go away. My plan (as if something like this is actually planable), my plan is to let go of any/all of this deep emotional connection, and focus on having an amazing time. If the feeling is there? Well, it will do it's job. But I'm not going to let go of the fact that this is someone who I have an absolute blast with, because it's that verbal sparring that has got us to where we are in the first place. Y'know what I mean?

But still, it's scary that there is so much weight resting on one little evening. Above everything else that I've been feeling lately ... above being on cloud nine, and above the late night smiling, and above this feeling that my life is changing ... above everything, I'm scared. I'm so so so so so so scared. The only person that I can be is me, right? I just hope that 'me' is good enough.


The song on my playlist right now:
"Delicate"
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate