Fighting Temptation

Yeah, the whole pillow/bed/sleep idea sounds really appealing to me right now, but something tells me that if I fall asleep in the next 15 minutes (what is it, like 11:45 at the moment?) I'm not going to be getting up for my 2:30 class, or my 4:00 for that matter. I'll probably wake up at 9 and start the entire process over again. So for the time being anyway, I'm awake (barely) and am going to make an attempt to be semi-productive in some way (even if it's just sweeping the living room and and making phone calls) until I have to leave for Musical Theatre. And really - why would I want to miss that class? We're entering the Andrew Lloyd Webber age of the super-musical today, and I'm pumped to contribute the fact that I have, indeed, seen Cats on Broadway. Alright - not on Broadway, but at the Jubilee Auditorium. And maybe I'm not that pumped - Cats may or may not have been one of the worst musicals I've seen, period.

I went with Steph ... did I take her? Did she take me? I just remember getting all dressed up together, and sitting in the nosebleeds of the theatre, feeling so OLD for being able to go and see a show all on our own. Where is my recent nostalgia coming from, by the way? I've been thinking about people that I haven't talked to since I left Calgary - Jess, Stephie, Beth, Adam (well, who would have thought of that one?). Adam. Oh MAN. I called him last night and after briefly talking with Michaela, left a message on his answering machine that said in no uncertain terms the following:

"Hey Adam, it's Bri calling. I was just giving you a call to say hi, sorry I missed you. Oh, and by the way? I don't know if you know this, but I loved you for a long time - pretty much the most significant years of my young life. Or, in other words, since we were 11 years old. But yeah, you knew that, didn't you. But listen - I know now that you are SO shit out of luck, because I would have done anything for you, anything. But I'm better than that, y'know? So yeah... give me a call back when you get this..."

Hmmm. And that was BEFORE I went to the QP and got right tipsy off of a pair of blow-job shots (to my credit, I was celebrating the hiring of OC05, and by the time I got there at about 12:30, most of the new OCs were drunk enough to insist on buying me a shot... I kept giving them away to friends). So in the span of a night, I called Adam and basically told him to fuck off, I re-lived the glory days of being a campus celebrity, and told my boyfriend that I wasn't going down to Nashville with him.

Wooooah - I threw that one in there! Yeah, I finally realized that I had to really listen to myself and understand what's best for me. I can't make a commitment like that until I'm to-the-moon stupid in love, and until I've had some time to live MY life first, so I'm going to be going back to BC for a year to work on my Master's at UBC and pick up a part time job. To be honest? I feel really good about it - I'm so much more comfortable after having made a decision than before. I'm going to get to be a part of my sister's day to day lives again - doing our hair together, helping Jessie choose a dress for her first grade seven dance, having out crazy sleepover parties where we watch kids movies and eat popcorn and do eachother's makeup. I miss that - those girls are my life. My brother too - I want to help him get back on track. I want to have some semblance of a relationship with my father (which is pretty much non-existant right now, except for the random msn message where he is 'too busy at work' to talk). I want to spend time with my grandparents. I want to meet new people. I'm ready for it all.

And it's still the morning! I feel like this day may have fantastic potential (or I just might mark Drama 100 papers all night)