back to the future

I'm calling Adam. Okay, I've already called Adam, and he's going to call me back. And I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to be telling him, but I think it might be somewhere along the lines of, "I might be moving back to Calgary. I hate you because I loved you. Let's get together for drinks and catch up over christmas".
In no particular order. I'll have to cut this short when the phone rings ... if the phone rings *sigh*. I talked on msn tonight with S for a few hours after I got home from my rehearsal, which felt pretty great (even though it was a big bad busy night for both of us, and not a really good time to hole away for 2 hours talking about how great the kiss was). My hope with Adam is that I can get it all off of my chest, so that I can move into whatever the future holds for me, fully able to love somebody, and not attached to Adam in any emotional way. I still want him to be my friend, but I hate that I loved him for so long. I hate that he will always stop me from loving someone else, if I let him. It was nice - I talked to him for a minute just now, and I didn't get that familiar rush to the head, flutter in my tummy, madly in love feeling that I always got. Maybe, it's because when comparing him with the way that S makes me feel ... it's just not even close. Not that I love S - that sort of genuine emotion takes a long time to develop. But he intrigues me more, listens to me more, and cares about me more (as a girl, not just as a friend) than Adam ever did. Plus, he's better looking ;) So now, all I have to do is call it quits with my old friend unrequited-love. I won't miss it. I'm excited about what could possibly be in my future, and I don't want to mess it up by keeping Adam in my heart.

The phone still hasn't rung!!!