every day I'm learning

I have had a recurring dream over the past few nights about getting my grad school letter. In the dream, the letter from the university of Toronto is sitting on my kitchen table (where my housemates keep the mail). I run over, excitedly open it up and start to scan the paper, but the entire thing is written in gibberish, or else is completly blank. It's such a frustrating feeling. Am I dwelling on it? Perhaps. But I feel as though I don't have any waiting left in me. There is so much resting on that one stupid piece of mail. And so, at 11:30 tomorrow morning, I try my luck again.

I just got back from an 8-hour rehearsal with my drama 100 class. I'm exhausted but exhilerated -- after running the show countless times, we did a final stumble through and everything felt as though it finally fell into place. That's what I'm addicted to about being in this business -- the incredible high that comes from 16 people synthesizing something completly new, creating energy together. That's the acting bug, the feeling when you work and work and work a scene and it finally becomes RIGHT.

I cried at the end, out of pride and exhaustion and pent up emotion that has nothing to do with drama, but came out anyway. And maybe, I thought to myself, just maybe, we can pull this off. By four pm tomorrow, I'll have a seminar finished, my kids will be done their play, and hopefully (hopefully!) I'll know exactly what I'm doing next year. One can only hope for so many days until they get what they're wishing for, right?

I'm a wreck. Someone put me to bed, please :D

Lyrics of the Day:
Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.

Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin. -- Something Corporate