Somewhere Only We Know

I keep typing and deleting the first sentence of this entry, unsure as to why I decided to open up blogger and make my fleeting thoughts permanent. Maybe it's not that important. I don't really have anything specific to say, but I feel as though there is so much that I want to write down.

My thoughts are incomplete tonight. I worked a busy 11-3 and as I slowly unwind, I find that fragments of ideas land at my fingers. I collect little bits of conversation, brief moments in the day where I was struck by something, and keep them in my head until I can come home and write, trying to figure out the world around me, or the world within me. I don't think I can put together anything cohesive tonight, so I think I'm just gonna make a list and get some sleep:

1. Everyone thinks that they have potential, that there is something unique and amazing and beautiful about them - if only 'real-life' didn't get in the way, or if only people would look beyond the superficial impulses that we are all a victim of. I do, I know, and I would assume that my belief that I am unique is, ironically, quite common.

2. I felt out of place tonight, walking three girls home from a houseparty. They were a) very drunk, b) very high, c) very beautiful (in that southern California sort of way) and d) talking about sex. I was wearing my roots sweats, had my hair in a pony tail and was makeupless. I don't know what it means, but I was struck by the fact that I am SO FAR from being cool that I don't really know what to do with myself when in the company of cool royalty. I felt awkward. I felt that liking puzzles and writing in my journal were no longer worthwhile pass times. Isn't it interesting when worlds collide like that?

3. I like the idea that I have a lot of potential right now, like a spring that's been carefully pressed down and is ready to uncoil. I could, if I had the perseverence or the desire, be anyone and do anything. 12 months from now I might just as easily be roller blading with my dog on the seawall in Stanley Park as I could be stopping for a drink after work in Toronto. I feel as though I am on the brink of everything. I am excited for my life to start.

4. It is really important to be there for your family when they need you. I don't really know how I feel about the state that my family is in, but the deep sense of love and responsibility that I feel towards them cannot be dislodged.



Beautiful things are happening in my life right now, that I may not deserve, but I will appreciate and treasure. I have options for my future, I've been blessed with a relationship in which I spend hours in easy and intimate conversation with the smartest and sexiest person I know, I have friendships with people who I would do anything for, I have a family who would sacrifice their own happiness for my own, and I think, most importantly, I have an appreciation for the world I live in. I feel as though I've been hyper-sensitive lately, noticing and recording thoughts and sensations and emotions.

Maybe now that I have all the pieces ... I just have to put everything together.

Okay - it's 4:19 now, and I'm officially not even making sense to myself. I'll try to pick up the threads in a later blog - until then, I'm going to crawl under my covers and dream about really wonderful things.