An ode to Tarzan

Tarzan was a 1982 Toyota Tercel that I inherited from my great grandmother Mabel, when she died in 1998. I will never love another human being as much as I loved that car, and I'd like to take a minute to pay homage to my best friend, my wheels, and the constant source of inspiration for mean jokes from my friends, with a top 5 Tarzan moments list. Without furthur ado:

TOP FIVE TARZAN MOMENTS

5. I was at a New Year's Eve party at my friend Sam's house (whose crazy pot-smoking mother was ALWAYS out of town) and my buddy Dan, who I had known since I was 11, had had a fair bit too much to drink. Knowing that he couldn't go to his parents house (they would have killed him), and not wanting to leave him in the care of Sam, who had smoked one massive joint too many, I drove him back to my place while he puked in the back seat of my car. I mean this kid RECHED. And since it wasn't a four door, it wasn't like he could open up and puke out the side. The funniest part is that we got stopped at a ride check, and the officer pointed his little flashlight into the back seat at my drunken friend, who had thrown up everywhere. I had a LOT of explaining to do that night. I also spent 3 hours cleaning out my car the day after.

4. The general abuse that my car took on a daily basis was amazing. Seriously, I think that my friends truly believed that Tarzan was invincible. When I got Tarzan, I stuck a band-aid on the hood of the car for good luck, but at times, it didn't do much good. People used white-out to write me messages, Andrew 'accidently' fell while trying to climb over it, causing the delicate tin roof to cave in, and Zach once proudly proclaimed that my car was indestructable and proceded to kick the side panel, which collapsed into the inside of the car. I had to go into the back seat and punch the panel back out. Adam used to push the window down, put it into neutral, and roll it into the middle of the school parking lot - just to freak me out. Yes, Tarzan, king of the jungle.

3. In 12th grade, 7 of my best friends and I shared a spare, which gave us from 11:30-2:20 off of school every wednesday for a semester. Each wednesday we tried to do something fun together, and to round off the year we all went to Mike's dad's house downtown, made margaritas and sat in his hot tub. I was the DD and was necessarily sober, but by the time we climbed out of the tub and got back into our clothes, everyone else was right drunk, which ruled out Mike driving 1/2 the group back in his Saab. So we all piled into my 2-door refrigerator box - 4 girls in the back, Rob lying across their laps, Mike in the front and Lise straddling the gear shift. 8 people, 7 drunks, and lo and behold a cop decides to spend a solid 15 minutes on our tail. Everone ended up putting blankets over their head, so he could never really tell that we were breaking the law, but it was the scariest 15 minutes of my life.

Editor's Note: The most people I have ever fit into my car was 9: 5 in the back, 4 in the front. It was a proud, proud day.

2. As I was pulling out of the parking lot on my way to soccer practice one day after school, my crazy friend Ian ran up towards me and jumped onto the hood of my car. This was normal for him - usually I would stick my head out, tell him to grow up and then continue on with my day. But this time was different. Ian came flying onto the hood of my car, lost his footing, and fell onto the ground in front of me. As I frantically tried to pull over to avoid bumping him, I actually ran over his foot (I know, it sounds bad). The funniest part? It didn't do anything - my car was so light that his bones withstood the pressure, although he certainly never tried that again.

1. The classic story, which Adam likes to repeat over and over at dinner parties and family functions. I had lent Adam my car to go out for a while after school. He was going to pick me up at my West Side Story rehearsal and we had plans to go shopping together. Imagine my surprise then, when Adam and Zach sheepishly walk into the rehearsal half-way through, rolling a tire in front of them. Tarzan's tire. Adam said to me in his most convincing voice, "Bri, I am so so so so sorry. it's icy out and we were driving down Glenmore, and we took a corner too fast, and ... God Bri. I'm so sorry. Tarzan fell into the resevoir. This is all that we could save." Adam then handed me the tire, and I proceeded to hit him as hard as I could followed by my bursting into tears. After consoling me and assuring me that the insurance would cover it, Zach said, "Nah, we're just kidding".

Then I hit HIM as hard as I could, and made him put the wheel back on to my car (which had fallen off when adam took a fast corner ... go figure)