from the archives of hotmail

I wandered by mistake into an old folder of my old email address (bri_johnson, which I only use for msn and when I need to give my email address online for a contest), and dug up a serious amount of Bri history. The folder is called "stuff-important" and contains every email that ever meant something to me from grade 8 to first year at Queen's. True, I don't even remember what some of them mean any more, but others are more special now than they must have been then. I'm gonna post a few here, for memory I guess, but also as a more reliable way of preserving them.

The first one is from Adam and was written during first year university. Adam is a big idiot, but his emails had the (probably unintentional) effect of both making me laugh, and making me feel like the most special person on earth.

Bri,

We at the walk for ugly bitches society would like to thank you for you generous pledge. 10000 miles is a long way, I truely hope you are up for it. We at the society realize that most women look more like Rosie O'Donnell than Christina Aguilara, and for that reason we have begun a fund of pledges that will be donated to those truly in need. We will accept applications from any women who feels she is sub par so long as she meet the following criteria. 1) Weights 200 lbs. or more 2) Has the nickname "Ug" 3) Must purchase 3 or more seats to board an airplane 4) Has not been laid in so long she is once again a virgin 5) Needs a fork lift to get out of bed. Since you meet this criteria, and have made such a generous pledge of walking 10000 miles.... With a camel on your back, we feel it is up to us to thank you by awarding money to you for a complete esthetic makeover. Consider it a cosmic mullagan. We here at the UBS only hope that this will be enough to help you on the road to beauty. And remember true beauty is on the outside, inside there are bowels and intestines and stuff.

Life isn't fair to everyone, but now you get a second chance. Enjoy!!!

JUST KIDDING!

Hey babe... gorgeous best friend, goddess of a woman, other formalities etc.....

So what's going on? Once you move to the new city you stop returning lesser cities and the friends that live there's phone calls!!!!! Well, who needs you anyway? You'll never get that 5 bucks that I owe you back now....ever! Anyway, I hope you're good. I'm assuming you are, and things with Marcus must be good too.I'm fine, got a call back from Starbucks so it looks like I might be gay... i mean be working at starbucks.... oh well free coffee, right? I am on the verge of dating a 22 year old korean girl. Let's hope that that works out for my sake. I haven't had sex in way too long. Anway, give me a call when you get the chance, and I'll sit and wait by the phone until you do with nothing more than a pair of dirty underwear to play with ( CALL SOON PLEASE......) Bri i love you with all my heart, and miss you so much. I'll try and call you tommorow at some point if possible, i work from 3-11. If not i'll talk to you soon.

Don't ever doubt yourself Bri, this is where you belong, your are meant to be at Queens... remember that.

Lots of love.

Aj

P.S. The day i saw you off from the airport I cried the whole way home. I was so proud of you. I really felt like I was a part of a big event for you and i felt like you wanted me to be there. So I was really excited for you. (sorry it's sort of rambled.. I'm just trying to say that I adore and or miss you)

The second is a letter that I wrote to a friend named Ryan. We became incredibly close during grade 11 and I would go so far as to say that other than Adam, he was the first person that I unconditionally loved. I still believe that he was one of my soulmates ... the people who change your life for the better just by being a part of it, however small. We came to a point in our relationship where we had essentially fallen in love; he wanted to have me in his life as his girlfriend, but I was currently dating my "what was I thinking" boyfriend Zach. I told Ryan I couldn't leave Zach (I should have ... Ry is now finishing his first year of med school :D), and he was so hurt by me. I wrote him this letter to try to make it up to him.

I used to have a friend, whose shirts always matched the color of his eyes, no matter what shirt he wore. And he always made me laugh in calm even when it was snowing outside and I was sad. And he taught me about nature, little things like rocks and big things like rivers and about running through the trees laughing and not worrying about if you're going to fall, because he would always catch me. And about movies, and about the cool little details in the matrix that a girl would never see. And he stood in line with me to see Star Wars even though it was cold. And he held the bag of popcorn cause I was so embaressed that I got so much food. Eventually he did it without me asking. And he told me stories about places that were pretty far away :) Furthur than I could imagine. And he called me "you" and I called him "ry" and it suited us both fine cause we always knew who eachother were. And we went to Edmonton together, and he got mud on my carpet but it was my fault cause I dragged him inside. And sometimes we'd talk in his room until 3 in the morning, or listen to music or just sit and be content with eachothers company. He taught me how to play chinese checkers, and foosball, and I beat him at air hockey (but he'll never admit it). And he gave me the most amazing books, and I tried so hard to read Shogun, but I never got to the place where they fell in love. He didn't laugh when I snuck away in chapters to get up-to-date on the Baby Sitters Club, and he bought me a few, which made me cry. He called me when I was halfway across the country and we would talk for two or three hours about life and love, and the whole night stood still. And he wrote letters like essays but they were so cute! And we went to the gap and thought that blue made him look a bit washed out but grey was really nice. And he tried to show me that there were better guys out there. And he loved me for everything that I was inside and not for what I was on the outside. And when i thought I lost everything in the whole world he bought me a little bear with a pair of wings, and it reminded me that he was my angel :) And that bear reminded me that every single day. And he brought me a Dumbo from Japan because I have pointy ears (g), and rocks from all different places, and huge long emails that made me smile so much. And a blus cinderella because sometimes I wanted to be a princess and he would laugh and hug me too tight and I'd choke. And he ran around with me at night looking for a tickle me elmo. And he held me when I was scared. And sometimes we fought. Probably too often. Most likly because we cared about eachother a great deal, and were very different people.

god I could go on for hours. Basically Ry (if you're still reading my garble this far!) I was lying in bed trying to sleep, and I just couldn't stop thinking of all this stuff. I made a stupid mistake. But I miss you. you're my ryguy. there is so much that we haven't done yet. THis is just the start. please write back. I'm tired and rambly!!! I need sleep. sigh... zzzz (that is me sleeping on the keys)
good night sweets

There's more, but they seem so much less important to me now. Maybe deleting everything will be a good idea - letting go of clutter that doesn't really define who I am anymore. If anything, reading all of these old emails has made me miss Adam immensely, and made me want to finish typing up my notes tomorrow and not tonight.

G'night, all