So This Is The New Year (and I don't feel any different)

New Year's resolutions can be fleeting at best, when your resolve to honestly lose the "frosh 15" that you've been carrying around since 2001 meets its match: New Year's breakfast at a greasy spoon. What else was I supposed to do - starve? Maybe I can start again tomorrow. I like to think that I can always start again tomorrow. There's something redeeming about knowing that every day is sort of like a second chance.

My jet lagged body seems almost certain that it's only 9:30 at night. I'm a little bit torn though, because I feel like I left more than my internal clock in Vancouver... some little part of me is still there as well. I talked to my mom on the phone and didn't feel like there was suddenly 7000 kilometers between us; I could almost pretend that I just came back to Toronto to pick up a few things, and I'll be going back home to BC tomorrow (wouldn't that be perfect!) But you know what I was thinking? Going home to BC is like having an affair: I leave behind all the troubles of my complicated relationship with Toronto and bask in something comepletely selfish. There are no bills in Vancouver, no fights with my boyfriend or mean employers or lonely apartments or groceries to lug home through the snow. Maybe the appeal of going back out west is amplified by the fact that it has become a veritable escape route for me. And honestly, I'm not interested in escaping, really. I want to make things better here, first.

I have to be back at work in 7 hours and I am praying (really praying, in a not-very-religious-but-willing-to-give-it-a-shot way) that a job comes along where I'm treated with respect. I don't need to love going to work every day, I don't need things to do that are particularly exciting, but I really do think that I deserve to be treated fairly for the work that I do. I might quit my job tomorrow, if it comes down to it. This would be the stupidest idea in the world, since I wouldn't be able to afford rent next month, but it might also be the most attractive idea in the world as well. If I was confident that someone could look at my resume (which has a lot of legit experience) and know how enthusiastic I am and could give me a chance ... well, I would call my boss and quit today.

Please let it snow 7 feet tonight so that everything is closed down tomorrow and I am unable to leave my house. I'm actually that desperate. Until then, I'm gonna try to put together a few hours of sleep and think about how to tackle my day, my week, my 8 months left as the official whipping girl of the G residence.

(this was meant to be a happy new year post - honestly. I just get cynical after midnight. Bear with me - I have a lot of positive things happening in my life, making me much less whiney than I probably appear. It just feels so good to BITCH about thing, y'know?)