A Blast from the Past

Here's one from the archives for ya - directly from Bri Johnson's personal journal, 1995-1996, when I was in grade 7 at Queen Elizabeth Junior High in Calgary,

January 14th, 1996
Dear Diary,
In school at lunch today, Beth and Claire dared me to kiss Danny! I didn't say yes (although I would have loved to) but I didn't say no, either. So they grabbed him and brought him over, and I was so shy that I didn't say or do anything! Whenever he is around my tongue feels like it's made of sawdust (probably because I like him so much). remember - no one else can know this (especially not danny!) but I wish I accepted the dare!

January 16th, 1996
Dear Diary,
I am so miserable! Whenever I phone "HIM" (by now, you know who he is, right?) he barely talks to me. It seems like he's preoccupied with football ALL the time. I think that his life is too full and I feel like I'm now at the bottom of his list of important things. I feel sort of lonely. Is this normal?

January 17th, 1996
Dear Diary,
Why did I ever think that anything could possibly come between us? I still think that I'm in LUV! I wish that he could be here so that I could tell him that I think he's the cutest (and the greatest)

January 28th, 1996
Danny and I are broken up, and all my friends are not talking to him at school any more. He was my first kiss and now I wish I saved it for someone else. But tomorrow I am going to see "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" and Colin is going to be there. Colin is my friend but I know that he likes me 'cause he's always sending me notes. I hope that everything goes well, despite the bloody lip I got in my soccer game today! We won 8-0. Right now, this is what I want: I really want to go to Alanis Morissette, and I want a walkman and I want to get chosen to go to Edmonton for soccer .... and maybe for Colin to keep liking me!

BACK TO THE PRESENT: Sometimes I feel like I haven't changed that much since I was younger. In part, of course, I am the same person with the same reactions and motivations and quirks, but I've also grown up in more ways than I've been able to realize. The slow passage of time means that we can never actually see ourselves growing - we have to rely on benchmarks, like the pencil markings on the wall, to realize how far we've come since the last time we measured. For me, my diaries (which I've been keeping regularly since about 1989) are not only an outlet and a place for me to be honest with myself about the things that happen in my life, but also a benchmark to measure how far I've come. If only I could tell my 12 year old self that football will ALWAYS be important to guys - maybe I could have saved myself a lot of heartache! But in retrospect, I can look back, laugh, and know that I have come a long, long way since I kissed Danny Thornton in the emergency exit hallway at Chinook Centre mall, waiting for our moms to come and pick us up. And I will continue to journal, so that in 10 years, I can look back again, and realize how little I knew in 2006 :D

-b