a bug's life, by brianna marie johnson
Just now, I found one of these fuckers happily crawling on my bathroom wall as I was brushing my teeth. 
By found, I mean that I screamed and flailed my arms after seeing something move out of the corner of my eye. man this one was FAST. And I screamed for good reason - these buggers (literally) are about a pinkie finger long, and scary as anything to have a run in with. So I did what any sane person would do. I grabbed the no-scrub mildew cleaner, sprayed the bug until he fell off the wall in a ball of anti-mildew foam, and covered him up with a plastic cup, which I dumped out all of my hair ties from.
Now I'm gonna let the fucker starve under a see-through cup so that I can observe his misery. Also, I'm going to pray to god for the salvation of my wicked soul.
2 comments:
You know, I've always known you had a vicious streak. Who knew it was on THE INTERNET?
Hey, I just stumbled across this...but I am from kingston and I know full well the terror of "ghetto bugs" - my friend calls them "skeevers" which I think is actually the best terminology. Anyways, their proper name is the "house centipede". They have sixteen sets of legs that grow in larval stages, and the reason they move so fast is because their legs are really long, compared to most other insects. They are actually semi-beneficial because they feed on the larvae of some harmful insects, but it doesn't matter because they are absolutely disgusting. A good story about skeevers is the following:
Last year while I was still at school, I woke up and put on a zip-up hooded sweatshirt. I walked up the stairs, talked to my housemates for a while (maybe 10 minutes), and then started making my breakfast. I was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, facing my friend, when he started SCREAMING. I thought some kind of demon or rapist had come up the stairs behind me...but then I heard my other friend scream "IT'S ON YOUR ARM IT'S ON YOUR ARM". In the 0.25 seconds it took this to happen, I sorta had an idea what he was talking about, so I ran around the kitchen in three circles, really fast, screaming, and then tore off my sweatshirt and threw it on the ground. After poking it with a rolling pin, sure enough, it was a SKEEVER. A huge, throbbing, fully mature specimen, it had been displaying itself on my arm. I felt molested for the rest of the day, and the remainder of the time I was in kingston, I would shake out all my clothes before putting them on.
Good luck containing its evil.
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